Meet the Disq

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the ULTIMATE, EPIC, MOST AWESOMEST flying plastic disc-like soulless corporate product by your friends* at Glowcorp!

The Disq is the only weapon a Walkman has (or will ever need!) The Disq is a somewhat flat, blue, disc made of a compound of polydicyclopentadiene (PDCPD) plastic and blue oxide formed from the thermal decomposition of iron salts. The Disq is lined by multiple layers of carbon fibers. This creation process makes the Disq highly resistant to heat, friction, damage, and prevents general cracking and resistance to most forms of polymer degradation (the gradual breakdown of the material from environmental sources), but also keeps the Disq light. Its aerodynamic design is far superior to other forms of plastic throwing discs, making it fly further and faster, and at the same time, more accurately. The Disq's record-breaking 2110 feet (0.64 km) throwing distance, with a roughly 1900 feet (0.58 km) drop off point makes it the king of plastic throwing discs.

What does all of this mean? It means that the Disq is hard, fast, and more than capable of helping a Walkman take care of any pesky pests that may come his way, whether they be rabid birds, angry dogs, or even a tank**. Whatever adversary might step up to the Walkman's unstoppable walking prowess to interrupt his God-given destiny, the Disq will make short work of them.***

(* Despite being legally identified as a person, the Glowcorp corporation is not your friend, does not have any friends, and does not intend to make any friends in the foreseeable future.)

(** Do not use Disqs to fight tanks, especially during violent and bloody revolts against Communist regimes, world wars, or family picnics.)

(*** The makers of Disq are not responsible for unintended uses of their product, the Disq. Unintended uses include, but are not limited to, using the Disq as a plate or bowl, wearing the Disq as a hat, using the Disq as an intrauterine device, attempting to consume the Disq as a part of an internet meme challenge, kicking or taunting the Disq, trying to "power" the Disq with any kind of charging device, using multiple Disqs to fabricate a containment cell, using Disq to breach containment cells, drawing lewd images on the Disq, rubbing peppers on the Disq to "make it spicy", using the Disq as a mascot of anti-fascist protests, using the Disq as a mascot of anti-communist protests, using the Disq as a mascot of your church or synagogue, hitting yourself in the forehead with the Disq because "the voice of your dead mother keeps telling you to", using the Disq to lure naive individuals to their almost certain doom, using photo editing software to make the Disq look "thicc", hitting yourself over the forehead with the Disq repeatedly because "your dead mother told you to", using the Disq to unclog your toilet, kicking or taunting the Disq, attempting to overthrow a democratically elected official with the Disq, using the Disq to prevent bank robberies, wearing the Disq as body armor, kicking or taunting the Disq, tieing two Disqs together to use as a UFO prop in your indy movie, referring to the Disq as your dad, worshiping and/or praying to and/or sacrificing living or nonliving objects to the Disq for personal favors, using the Disq as a holistic alternative to vaccines, attempting to "improve" the Disq by "reinforcing" it with materials (such as aluminum foil) so that "the government can't track where you throw it", attempting to "cancel" the Disq because of "that one time Glowcorp said something I found offensive", shaking the Disq violently at your mother-in-law "to keep that old hag away from my house", or complaining that the Disq "isn't blue enough".