Introducing the new walkPhone X2 by Glowcorp®

Other smart phones might come with fancy gimmicks.

But not this one.

Say hello to walkPhone X2. It's not the phone you want, it's the phone you need.™

The walkPhone X2 is the latest in the long and prestigious line of Glowcorp® smart phones. After the huge success of our previous walkPhone Legacy phones before the X Series, we took the design and functionality and kicked it up to 999% with the X1. Then, we heard your suggestions, but ignored your complaints. And when those suggestions came in, we swiftly deleted them. With that, we created the X2.

The Walkphone X2 is more than just a smart phone. It's a text messenger, a music player, a browser, a portable next-gen gaming machine. You can do anything and everything with it! Look up delicious food recipes you'll never have the skill to make properly, talk to the world with Blipper for a short time before being banned for saying something deemed offensive, send emails, receive spam emails from Nigeria, watch women with no self-respect or talent do literally anything you want for virtual currency, shop for useless gadgets and bobbles to fill the gaping void in your life with Manmazon, change your phone background wallpaper (such as a picture of your cats, or your significant other), and so much more! (Except make phone calls, which is one thing that the walkPhone X2 can't do.)

Whether you're a minor celebrity on the internet shilling out for paid sponsors, an amateur photographer taking candid photos of your neighbor's wife without her permission, or praising the wise and benevolent government of China, the walkPhone X2 has everything you need! (Except phone calls or anonymity).

Maybe you're an EPIC gamer who loves EPIC games that are EPIC! But maybe you're tired of lugging around a TV, console, and all those cables and controllers when you're forced to go outside. Well fear no more! The walkPhone X2 has all of your EPIC gamer needs covered. Play the latest and coolest EPIC games that only real gamers play. Whether it's the hit frog hopping game Microfrog, the best-selling, heartwarming Japanese dating sim Rock of Love, or the highly addictive clicker game Doki Doki, we've got everything you need fam. Here at Glowcorp® we're "totally hip" and "vibin" with the kids these days. Gamers rise up! rolf lmao #gitgud

So get your very own walkPhone X2 at any available Glowcorp® Tech Store or buy it online at www.GlowCorp.glo/home/store/technology/store/walkphone/store.